The 2nd trimester

If I compared the first trimester to prison, I have to compare the second trimester to some cheesy movie scene where a lady in a floral dress runs twirling in a field with her arms out laughing at the sun.

I mean, I have some dietary restrictions, but I'm free from being sick! I'm tired now, but hell I can sleep like a degenerate and people just tilt their heads to the side with a look of loving sympathy! The same wretch who denied me a 10 a.m. sandwich when I looked like a drunk but was really 8 weeks pregnant is now getting the door for me and smiling at my midsection! Everyone offers to carry my things and lets me go ahead of them! Why thank you, of COURSE I’ll skip to the front of the line!

I won't lie, there are some weird things you have to put up with too. For example, people want to touch your stomach. People you don’t even know. I don’t want to make a vast generalization, but I believe us Asians don’t like to be touched much anyway, so your friend’s roommate or the guy scanning your boarding pass are certainly not welcome to give ‘er a little pat. (Don’t worry, I let them know this with my face. They recoil like my shirt is a hot poker.) Also, everyone gives you a once-over. You know how it’s obvious when you’re talking to someone and they’re looking at the zit on your forehead instead of looking you in the eye? MOLEY MOLEY MOLE It’s a real conversation killer when you walk into a room and everyone is grinning at your uterus-area. At first I was neurotically checking my fly because with such obvious looks, my bella band must be failing and my magenta parachute-sized undies must be staring back. Now I have difficulty seeing my fly, or my fly is replaced by 30 yards of skin-colored elastic, so I assume it’s just my girth they’re getting a load of. But go ahead and get a load of it; I can’t believe it either.

And if my posts become less and less coherent, apparently there’s this thing called “pregnancy brain” where you lose your thoughts, forget words, trip over your tongue, and sound like a big dummy. Remind me not to talk aloud to a group, because I keep getting jeers like “baby’s sucking up the braaaaaaain power!” or “she’s transferring files!!!!!” Whatever. Cats!

Also the sleep hours kind of get in the way of normal life. Like right now. It’s 6:45 AM and I’ve been awake for over an hour because of insane leg cramps that had me waking up periodically throughout the night. Then it took me so long to roll over that I was too awake to go back to sleep. The loss of one morning hour will probably put me at a 6 p.m. bedtime. Blue hair special, please?

All in all though, 2nd trimester gets a big thumbs up. The throw-ups are definitely gone, and the weather is improving which makes everything a little less S.A.D. and a little more... peachy ;)


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