WME (Worst Morning Ever).

Hello you big clumsy fully-developed adults. Oh you thought the worst was over, ey? You thought the hurling was done and the partying can begin? Well then Elizabeth HURLey, Duke of HURL, Laverne and sHURLey, you think just because you had a few nights out of the house you’re “better now”? Mmm haw haw haw.

You see, it was all a part of my plan. I wanted to give you a taste of your “regular foods” and “social life” to show you with a snap of my soon to be fingers, I can take it all away!!
[Lightning!] Yesterday you went to a holiday party and played games and ate like everyone else…and this morning you threw up so hard, stinging bile came out your nose and left you with a migraine and a popped ear. If you want your precious mornings back, I suggest you meet my demands! [Thunder!]

Nat Ferrante, you have fully developed hands, legs – and a car. Meet me at 6 o’clock – alone – at the kitchen table with the following or Big Thing gets it!

I want a gallon each of strawberry and chocolate ice cream. The real thing only, NONE OF THAT LOW FAT B.S. and no cutting corners with Neopolitan! Vanilla is for sissies! I want Billy Tse’s mu shu chicken with pancakes, sweet and sour chicken, fried rice, egg rolls, and dumplings. I want 2 Nantucket Nectars pomegranate pear juice NO SUBSTITUTIONS. Be prepared for an 80s movie and early bedtime without complaint! Ha-haw!

I do not joke (my sense of humor has not yet developed). Six o’clock sharp or else......


Thing – 1, Nikki – 0.

Comments

n-mukai said…
Nat, i hope you got the message... i'm afraid.
amy said…
holy shit. stop making me laugh at work - i look crazy.

but seriously -- i'm afraid for you, too. did thing say what brand ice cream?? have you checked if thing likes michael j fox or molly ringwald?? i really wouldn't take any chances...
Nat said…
Where is our blogpost today? It's already 1, Nik!
dmbthree said…
Hysterical -- Wait until you demand a steak and then as soon as it is grilled it is the last thing that you want to eat

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