A lesson on how to make money in shoe sales.
The weather has been slightly changing, making me a much happier person here in the frigid northeast. Changing weather always makes me nostalgic of the year before, the last time I felt warm breezes and saw blue skies, and walked around with flip flops and a skirt rather than long-johns, pants, 10 lb boots, and all the gear that despite its purpose can never really keep you warm. However, we’re not quite in the clear yet (it’s still 40s in Boston) but from my window, the blue sky is letting me pretend.
The other thing that changing weather inspires is SHOPPING. Since shopping with the figure of Danny Devito as the Penguin is NO FUN, this spring will be all about the accessories... and by that I mean shoes. New shoes will be a purchase of both want and need, since my growing feet are making my current shoe stock less and less appropriate...
There is a shoe dilemma though. One that most of you probably don’t understand (unless you’re my mom or my sister, in which case – damn you maternal genes for giving me the long feet and not the long legs.) I have never cared much to lie about my weight, age, or clothing size. But shoe size, I will lieeeeeeee like the best of them, because of recurring situations like this...
Nikki: [Enters shoe store. Mixed feelings of excitement and dread. Avoids all styles - be they trendy and irresistible or otherwise - that make long feet look longer. Settles on a pair of amazing mid-height t-straps with semi-round toe. Not pointy, not too round. Takes a deep breath and approaches associate...] Can I try these on in a 9.5 or 10?
Associate: [Looks me up and down, contorting her face.] FOR YOU????????
Nikki: [No. I’m doing my friend SASQUATCH a favor and picking her up some heels.] Yep. For me.
Associate disappears into the back. I wait in EXACTLY THE SAME SPOT in plain sight so she doesn’t have to-
Associate: TEN?? TENNNNNNN!??!?! SIZE TENNNN??
Ugh. Instead of calling me out on being the only 5’5” with a shoe size the same as that of a grown man, why not yell “AMAZING T-STRAPS!” or “KILLER PERSONAL STYLE AND A SHAG HAIRDO THAT WILL BRING A TEAR TO YOUR EYE”.
THEN how could I deprive you of my commission?? Alas.
The other thing that changing weather inspires is SHOPPING. Since shopping with the figure of Danny Devito as the Penguin is NO FUN, this spring will be all about the accessories... and by that I mean shoes. New shoes will be a purchase of both want and need, since my growing feet are making my current shoe stock less and less appropriate...
There is a shoe dilemma though. One that most of you probably don’t understand (unless you’re my mom or my sister, in which case – damn you maternal genes for giving me the long feet and not the long legs.) I have never cared much to lie about my weight, age, or clothing size. But shoe size, I will lieeeeeeee like the best of them, because of recurring situations like this...
Nikki: [Enters shoe store. Mixed feelings of excitement and dread. Avoids all styles - be they trendy and irresistible or otherwise - that make long feet look longer. Settles on a pair of amazing mid-height t-straps with semi-round toe. Not pointy, not too round. Takes a deep breath and approaches associate...] Can I try these on in a 9.5 or 10?
Associate: [Looks me up and down, contorting her face.] FOR YOU????????
Nikki: [No. I’m doing my friend SASQUATCH a favor and picking her up some heels.] Yep. For me.
Associate disappears into the back. I wait in EXACTLY THE SAME SPOT in plain sight so she doesn’t have to-
Associate: TEN?? TENNNNNNN!??!?! SIZE TENNNN??
Ugh. Instead of calling me out on being the only 5’5” with a shoe size the same as that of a grown man, why not yell “AMAZING T-STRAPS!” or “KILLER PERSONAL STYLE AND A SHAG HAIRDO THAT WILL BRING A TEAR TO YOUR EYE”.
THEN how could I deprive you of my commission?? Alas.
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